A Young Brothers life cycle – and a powerful choice

Before I start, I need to say this: This is not “the truth” and any similarities to anyone else real or imagined is not intentional. It is just food for thought that may (or may not) prove valuable to someone else.

Here Goes!

Things actually started off well for me. At birth everyone wanted to hold me, pick me up and give me hugs and kisses. Lots of platitudes shower me for the first few years:

He gonna have all the girls chasing him
Can I take him home?
He looks just like (pick the family’s favorite male relative), I bet he gonna be a baller too
I get to play openly, all these wonderful ladies are buying me ice cream and cookies
I get to laugh when I am happy, cry when I am sad or hurt and my community shows me a lot of love and support either way
I get to play a little rough, but that’s cool, I am just being a boy

Then I get to be famous when I’m just a little older:

I am on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter as the cutest kid ever.
Lots of pictures of me with the local teams jersey holding a football smiling!
Got videos of me showing off those “handles” on the court
Already got five people teaching me my jump shot and putting that on video

So for the first few years of my life, things are awesome. I am loved, I am special, I am cared for and I have talent! I am really happy and excited for what is next.

When I am just a bit older and get to school, things start to get weird

I know the answer to the question, but they don’t call on me..usually
If I get to answer the question and show I am really smart, the other boys will pick on me and everyone thinks it’s funny that they are doing that
I am noticing that there are only a few teachers that are like me (males).
I don’t understand why playing a little rough now gets me in trouble. My friends and I were playing, not fighting
I just noticed that most of my friends Dads are not around. A couple them are in jail, my friends seem kind of angry too
I became really cool with one teacher, but now my friends won’t trust me because they think I am going to snitch on them
Another teacher told me she was going to call my mother because of…something..I was confused, upset and crying. The other kids were calling me a punk and told me I was weak and I spent all week with them laughing at me about it. I asked my uncle about what to do and he also told me to stop being a punk.

So now I figured out the game:

Don’t ever show how smart you are: EVER
Don’t ever show weakness and cry: EVER (Only weak MF’s do that)
Never EVER be cool with folks in Authority, you don’t want to be a snitch

Ok: Damn Damn Damn Here is Middle School and High School

There are at least 12 kids with better handles and a jump shot than me, now those guys who were teaching ME are teaching THEM and now I got nothing to do in the afternoons.
That girl I REALLY liked and was nice to me before is now hanging out with the starting point guard and he is hanging out with at least three other girls. She KNOWS that and still won’t hang with me!
My mom is starting to tell me I better not be like my Dad
Mom and her and her friends are telling each other how men aren’t s—t. I got no men around me to give me a different story, so I guess they are right
Everyone is telling my sister that she is special and how much she rocks and telling her she is a Queen. No one is calling me a King, except some well paid dudes on TV and video that I will never meet.
Just noticed that the guys who the girls really like have lots of money. I gotta figure out how I can get paid too and have some cool clothes and some fine women around me
The dudes that everyone talks about…get into a lot of trouble.

Out of High School

Every time I hear about a brother getting shot by the cops, they always find out something was wrong with him, one brother got shot in his own crib and the newspaper was telling everyone he had weed on him.
At least three of my friends are gone because of something stupid and I know a few more that went out that way
One of my guy cousins came home after getting locked up. Everyone was so happy to have him home they threw him a party
Two of my friends older brothers graduated from college. No one threw him a party, he lives out of state now. All the brothers who do well leave my community, I wish I could or did hang with them
Just noticed…I am a man now. Am I now what my mother and friends were talking about a few years ago? God I hope not!
Everyone still telling me what NOT to be, but I got no one telling me what TO be!

Lets turn on the TV or go to the movies

Too many of the shows where the guy looks like me, he a gangsta. Ok a good gangsta, smart gangsta, but still…gangsta
If the brother on the tube isn’t cheating on his women, he beating the hell out of her or dragging her down in other ways.
When I hear people getting interviewed about what’s going on in my community, they only talk to our women and old men, why don’t they talk to me?
Why don’t I get to be the awesome/amazing supporting perfect love interest in the movies?
A lot of the actresses I had mad crushes on are now with men who don’t look like me and the girls around me idolize THEM! Am I (or men like me) even wanted anymore?

So lets see now, I could choose to live like this…

I get I am not supposed to be like my dad, but I am confused. Who exactly am I supposed to be then?
Can’t trust girls. I mean they only want to be around dudes who are getting paid
I won’t get to be the hero, the story is not told by me
The only way to get any attention is to be a thug!
Even if I treat my women like a Queen, I still don’t get to be a King and won’t even make it on her social media account. Oh and I am still a…that word
I am replaceable and won’t be missed if I am gone.
I have no voice people are interested in hearing
Don’t ever show weakness hurt or pain.

But I am going to choose to be this:

My VOICE matters! What I have to say will make a difference. I may be speaking to that little confused boy in Middle school who needs input in figuring out who he is and needs to know how powerful he is!
Being a good man, taking care of my family and community is the right thing to do and even if no one outside my family talks about it, I am going to do it.
I am not replaceable! Having my baby girl and baby boy happy to see me when I come home is reward enough. That tells me that they need me and I am going to be there for them.
I am going to treat ALL our women as Queens. Who I choose to be with will relate to me as a King.
Show how I feel openly with MY queen, I know that is the only way she can support me and it makes her feel secure the better that she knows me.
I am going to treat all men who look like me as my brothers. Only through being together can we create the beloved community. Black men united and strong are mandatory in created in that community, it cannot exist without us. I know my value!
So what if no one looks at guys like me as a hero, I am still going to be the best I can for my community. I will:
- Make sure all the kids have a safe ride home, even if far out of my way
- Be someone that any child or young person can talk to. They need my voice!
- Check in on my family. Reaching out to them shows I care and lets them know I am there for them
- Take care of the snow for my neighbors who don’t have access to the snow thrower
Be a a man where all in our community feel love, protected and respected when around me.

I am going to live in how I define myself, NOT how others and the world define me