Focus on what you are FOR, not what you are against. Its healthier!

I am noticing that my health journey is in a “spinning” phase. Meaning that I have been making myself sick.

Well not sick, but my weight loss is not working, which means I may BE sick if I don’t start taking care of myself. I am eating out of stress, not managing things I should be managing and the scale is not moving.

The other day, I was sitting in the parking lot of a store about to go in there and buy up the whole inventory of a snack I KNOW I should not be eating. It took me five whole minutes to snap myself out of this and drive off the lot without the snack.

It really hit me, I was doing what drug addicts do, instead of alcohol or drugs, I was prepared to spend the evening indulging in a nutritionally bankrupt, calorie rich confection that I KNEW would not help my A1C a bit.

How did I get myself out of that parking lot? I had to ask myself a HARSH question: What the f–k are you doing HERE?

In the moment, there was no good answer and the intelligence won the day. No good answer, no need to be here. So I left.

Afterwards I got what took me there, it was who I was being in my life:

I am being worried, being tired and being afraid.

Worrying about stuff that is NOT aligned with what I want to see in the world.
Tired of seeing injustice after injustice and no one wanting to talk about the real issues, everyone talking about surface stuff that sounds good, but does not really deal with ANYTHING
Afraid that I would live out my life and reach no one and make NO difference. Be a failure!

One area I am tired of is the current state of the world for Black Men and Boys:

I am tired of trying to convince people that Black men are human and have feelings and deserve love and respect
I am tired of trying to convince Black MEN and boys that they are KINGS and not n—as
I am tired of having people tell me offline that I say good stuff, but not join in the conversation when it matters
I am tired of hearing that the reason black men are getting killed is because they didn’t “comply” when others are not held to that same standard. Or maybe they did something bad earlier in their life and were not saintly.
I am tired of 90% of black men having to apologize for the 10% of black men who act like fools
I am tired of a world where (it seems) the only way a black male gets widespread attention is if he is amazing at sports or does something awful.
I am tired of people (even folks who are of my skin tone) who accept the stories about black men. (You know what they are, violent, scary, irresponsible…and maybe irreedemable), you know…a spider!
I am tired of reading posts that take down black men and boys getting 1000 likes and those that uplift and respect them get 10 likes…maybe. Question: Does defending black men make you unpopular? It seems like it sometimes.
I am tired of the voices speaking for black people IN THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA are old men (like me) and black women
I am tired of not being able to find many shows or movies where Black men are the wonderful and supportive love interest, the hero and/or the champion everyone loves. Why he always gotta be a gangsta?
I am tired of young black males feeling that they are alone, and have no allies, where a world without them seems…normal.

And on and on and on and on. I keep speaking about what I am tired of and it is making me, well. TIRED! I am tired just typing it.

You see, I think I know at least one reason why people engage in destructive behaviors like drugs, alcohol, gangs, FOOD, gamblings, etc.

They are living trying to avoid pain and rejection. They live with a constant view of what they are tired of, what they know should NOT be and see the fight against it as hopeless, too big for them to face. A good snack, a brew and an evening indulged in front of the tube will be a good escape. (I know I am not alone here)

I was probably triggered to be in that parking lot because I read or saw something that made me tired, made me hopeless, made me feel like what I hope and pray the world looks like is impossible. And….the scale has been saying I am at the 47 pound weight loss for a month now and this is depressing.

But: God Help Me: No More

I am going TRY and stop speaking and focusing on what I am against and instead elevate what I am FOR, here is one thing related to what I said I was tired of:

Much of this is capture in the description of my initiative: http://ayedetroit.org/programs/detroitboyzrock/

What I am FOR

I am for a world where Black men and boys know they are valuable and they are needed for the Black Community to thrive
I am for a world, where young Black men and boys know that they too are magic, they ROCK, they are royalty (Kings!) …and, have a right to expect to live out their dreams
I am for a world where young black men and boys find their dream woman. Someone who loves and respects them as the KINGS they are. Someone that they will be able to build a family with and accordingly will be willing to defend them with their life because they know they have a home they can come to where they know they are needed and it is their peace because THAT is what is worth living for and…worth dying for if needed.
I am for a world where young black men and boys get and aspire to be what they need to in order to Deserve that respect
I am for a world where young black men and boys
- Are encouraged and challenged to express their voice and get that what they have to say matters!
- Are empowered and in action in creating a positive life of their own choosing
- Are acutely aware of and inspired by their own personal magnificence and know that they are not what the world tells them they are. They know THEY define who they are and no one else.
- Are inspired to understand the contributions of the KINGS that came before them and are determined to build from where they left off.
- Are creating transformational partnerships and friendships that move themselves and their communities forward

This is (and more) is what I am FOR. Being FOR is inspiring. Being FOR gives me something to do, actions to take.

And notice another thing. I am not trying to convince anyone who will not be convinced that what I am for is real, possible or desirable. That is also: TIRING!

Will I say some things to upset some people: Absolutely!

I just want to engage with people who are of the same mind and have some ideas we can work on. We need our young men and boys to step in and realize that they are kings!

Because without an empowered and supported KING, then what protection or support is available for the QUEEN? That conversation is missing in our community and we need to have it. Cannot have one and not the other and think the community will work! (Oh and yes I know being a man does not auto qualify you a KING, but being a women does not auto qualify you as a QUEEN)

And, if you think…

This post is against or disrespectful to black women……
This post is against or disrespectful to White people…..
This post is intentionally hateful or divisive
This post is about YOU in any way shape or form

If this is your reaction, consider this: You may be one of the people who are making me tired. But even so, also know this: I still have love for you as I do for all of humanity. But we probably should be talking about something else. Lets avoid having more TIRED people.

I am not against anyone: I am for our Black men and Boys.

So…..Who is with me? Serious replies please!

Post inspired by this poem: What I live for