The me I know myself to be:
- Is worried that people don’t believe me what I say my posts “aren’t about you”. (It isn’t!)
- Is way too picky about who I engage because of a concern that they will try and make MY initiative into theirs or take credit for what I do or not give ME credit
- Is way too concerned that I should not reach out to THAT person as they are too important and will ignore me or (worse) be sufficiently offended or annoyed they will put me on blast as a lunatic
- Is worried that me reaching out to, friending and/or following people will be taken as meaning anything else than what it actually does: You matter to me and I want to keep up with how you are doing!
- Is concerned about being “the leader”. What if I mess up or things go wrong or someone takes what I give or say and uses it for evil or I empower something I don’t like?
- Is concerned about how people think or feel about my aims
- Is worried I may post too much, or say things wrong or offending people
- Is stopped by disagreement and does not look for where that disagreement can actually be a contribution.
- Is worried I will be mis-understood, another thing that stops me from speaking
- Is worried too much about the HOW this will get done or (worse) I have no clue how to do it.
- Won’t commit to things because I am worried about how much time this will take
- Is stopped by silence and no one responding back to me
- Is freaked out that people may take my aims personally
- Thinks that someone like me won’t be listened to or that I am not enough
- Honestly believes that the world just doesn’t care
- Feels that I need to have it all together to start.
- Looks at the elephant and forgets that to eat it, it is one bite at a time, thus looking at things like they are too big for me
All of the above is true, at least in my head and ALL of it takes me away from being responsible for something else other than myself.
Still I find I cannot stop caring, thus I cannot stop thinking about it and I sometimes feel cursed because what I am for is always on my mind.
I mean I just (just like everyone else) want to survive, and live my life and be happy, I don’t want to be upset or stressed by all this craziness and this unfair world.
But sometimes I think God answers me this way:
- You are being totally selfish, I did not put you here with the gifts I gave you to keep them for YOU!
- Could the reason be that this is always your mind is because that is what I put you here to do, or at least begin?
- Why can’t you do big things AND still live your life, enjoy it and be happy?
Far be it from me to question or challenge that.
Time to get to work and be a new me! I have a community to build and people to uplift in love.
This is what #bethechange looks like!
I think my peace will come when I see some dents I am making in that elephant.
Maybe that is why all my upsets go away when I am actually working to build that which I am committed to.
Quiet Thunder 
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