Trust is NEVER earned, it is ALWAYS given

Post inspired by this article: http://www.deluxmag.com/black-love-10-ways-to-build-trust-in-a-relationship/

I know some of ya’ll are intrigued by the title of this post and ready to call me a liar. Well before you do that, let me explain what I mean

First, I submit to you a dictionary definition of the word trust: Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

For those of you who think that trust is a sacred thing that you don’t give easily or to people who deserve or earn it, I invite you to think again!!

When you think about it, we all give our trust freely and daily.

• We trust that the cook at the restaurant preparing our food doesn’t do anything unseemly in the preparation or the waitress did not slip something in there on the way to our table
• We trust the pharmacist to give us the correct prescription
• We trust that the airplane pilot has has the skill and is prepared mentally and physically to get us (or our loved ones) to the destination safely (Oh and the mechanics have made sure the plane can handle it)
• We trust that the UberEats/DoorDash person didn’t do anything nasty to our food on the way to our house
• We trust that the food we buy from the grocery store is clean and that the process that brought it into our basket (and eventually our plates) was not contaminated with things that could make us sick
• We trust that the people waiting at their red light won’t suddenly decide to go through it at the same time we go through the light that says green on our end
• We trust the financial institutions in which we save our money won’t just lose it
• We trust the bridge that we drive across is maintained properly and won’t fail

You see: We trust people we don’t know, or know well every day and sometimes even with our life and health.

So……..What did they do to deserve our trust?

Nothing!

We just assumed that they would do their job. Most of these people we don’t know, or barely know and some of them we never even see.

So why do we trust them? Because we all need each other to be able to do what we are supposed to do with integrity or we cannot function as a community, or a world, or even a family.

Which brings me to the point!

If you know me, you would know that I am all in for black folks loving each other and building community together.

I think it is safe to say that black people are groomed, a lot by popular media to not trust each other.

• Black men are viewed and dishonest and violent.
• Black women are taught almost from birth that All men are cheaters” “Guy are dogs” ” Men only want one thing.
• Black Men view Black women as Gold Diggers.
• And of course Black women listen to these guys, why I will not understand.

If you visit any (well a LOT of them) “Black Love” group, almost daily there is a post about “couples” who need to have constant and ready access to each others phones and social media accounts.

These posts are commented on and discussed heavily and with passion because the assumption is that if you don’t have that access, then they are cheating, or about to.

At that point we could talk about mobile disposable/burner phones, and maybe even burner social media accounts but I won’t do that.

This access is dangerous because what you are looking for, you will find:

Some extreme (and non real-life examples):

• Who is the chick who sent you those texts who said she loves you and misses you? Umm, that’s my fifth grade girlfriend who I saw the other day as she was in town for her cousin’s funeral. BTW: She married with three kids and lives in Boca Raton Florida. But…you don’t believe that!
• Who this dude who keeps liking your pictures and posts and commenting on them? Ummm, that’s someone I knew in high school, we were both on the school newspaper together and just kept in touch. BTW: He’s engaged and lives in New Orleans. But…you don’t believe that!

Well I am not going to tell you cheating does not happen, what I am going to tell you is this: IMO, if you have the need to constantly monitor your partner/spouses activity, you are not in a relationship, you are people romantically involved who are in a mutual police state.

Lack of trust does not work!

What would happen if when you put your order in at the restaurant, you insisted that you watch the cook prepare your food? My guess is that you would be asked to leave and not EVER come back. And that would be the right thing to do, wouldn’t it?

Every relationship requires TRUST.

• I trust that you are going where you say you are going and doing what you say you are doing
• I trust that who you are engaged with in talking and communicating with is not on the way over when I leave the house, or you are on the way to their place when you leave ours.

You see: Trust is a gift that you give someone so that we can work and live together in harmony. Without giving that, then a TRULY peaceful relationship is not possible.

Now: To be clear, you can (and appropriately) LOSE the trust that someone has given to you by proving that you are not reliable or truthful and they can lose yours for the same reason.

So if you choose to be in a relationship, I think you should also be willing to choose to give the gift of trust as well, and trust that they will honor and respect the gift that you have given and you do the same when that gift is given to you.

They have that gift until they prove they are unworthy of it. I assert that’s the only way this deal works.

And what do they have to do to deserve and earn your trust?

Nothing: Because it is only for you to give and not theirs to earn.