That Masculinity Thing: Or at least what I think

I was asked to share my thoughts on a good definition of masculinity. Well this is my attempt 🙂

Lets start with the Wikipedia “Definition“

Standards of manliness or masculinity vary across different cultures and historical periods. Traits traditionally viewed as masculine in Western society include strength, courage, independence, leadership, and assertiveness.

Machismo is a form of masculinity that emphasizes power and is often associated with a disregard for consequences and responsibility. (BTW: I think that last part is a good working definition of TOXIC Masculinity). Oh and I think some of the music and culture inflicting on our community and country is just like this…check your latest rap song AND right wing political rally.

But I digress, let’s move on.

Some Questions to think on:

• Should we define masculinity solely by someone who is strong, courageous, independent, shows leadership, and assertiveness?
• Are we saying that women cannot or should not show these traits?
• Are we then saying it isn’t feminine to show these traits?

If we like it simple and go by society’s general definition, then men should not show feminine attributes such as gracefulness, gentleness, empathy, humility, and sensitivity (also derived from Wikipedia) if they want to be considered masculine, right?

Many/most men (and believe me when I say BLACK men) would love to be in a relationship with a sister who is strong, courageous and assertive and I am guessing that Black Women would love a brother who is sensitive, gentle and showed empathy.

My point: The definitions do not seem to work very well, do they?

I’ve been trying to define it and I just give up. I am sure someone out there has a meme that will explain it all for us, but personally I think the problem is that we have too many memes out there and we are living our lives in 160 Character soundbites.

I don’t live in short sound bites or messages and most serious life questions do not have a singular answer that fits everyone, so I decided to answer another question (BTW: Changing the subject is a slick way of saying “I have no idea”):

What does it take to be a quality man, in particular a Black Man that could transform our community?

When I did I kept coming back to these bullet points.

• Be Available: Definition: Able to be used or obtained; at someone’s disposal.
• Be Generous: Definition:” Showing a readiness to give more of something, (such as) as money or time, than is strictly necessary or expected.”
• Be Powerful: Definition: “having great power or strength” (and using it responsibly)
• Be Loyal: Definition: “a strong feeling of support or allegiance”
• Be Proud: Definition: Feeling deep pleasure or satisfaction as a result of one’s own achievements, qualities, or possessions or those of someone with whom one is closely associated.

And then I realized that I already had answered these in detail.

I may and likely will come back and re-visit this one as it seems it needs more time, hopefully this is a good thought starter.