Lets talk about the S word

I am writing this from the male perspective and it may be used by some women as a hammer to their men, but I am choosing not to worry about that other than to say that I hope it provides a context for meaningful discussion.

To be clear: It is my perspective and NOT my perfection I create here.

Here is the sequel to the “Rope Test” article I wrote before.

That post was describing the entry level to being a man who deserves a good woman. Be someone she can rely on if she needs you.

This time let me deal with the S word. SUBMISSION is a word that lots of folks seem interested in, especially MY people. Here is an operative word on Submission to use for this post:

Submission is an act that is expressed mutually and voluntarily. Being submissive helps us to be less self-centered and allows us to consider the desires of others. Submission has nothing to do with being weak, but allows us to be strong enough to open our hearts to others.

NewsFlash: Submission is a MUTUAL thing. Both men AND women need to be submissive in a relationship.

Now at this point, some of ya’ll got the eyebrows up. And YES, I meant exactly what I said.

So let me TRY to eliminate the gender-based power play that may be circling around now.

What you might be asking is this: Who do we have to be submissive to?

I say this (read carefully here): It is not WHO to be submissive to, but WHAT! And that WHAT is the union between you.

You see: Power Play is gone, but not making submission specific to a person, then there is nothing really to fight about. Is there? I don’t have to be submissive to YOU, I need to be submissive to US and my role in the relationship.

I won’t say what I think that submission means for women, but here are my thoughts on what submission means for men (now to be clear to the ladies, you need to be worthy of this).

SOME suggest I have for men:

Submit to our roles as leaders of the house and understand this: Leadership does not mean “the boss”. What it means is to be the main servant to the family. That means to lead you must be attuned to not only what YOU think they need, but what they actually need and how they feel. Being in tune with your household needs means that your leadership is something they WANT to follow as opposed to something that they HAVE to follow (read that twice). Read Mark 9:35 Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.” The leader is the primary servant, period!
Submit to your traditional roles of protect and provide and make that your FIRST responsibility. THAT is actually the ultimate in submission. To do that means that you bring ALL of you to the relationship, if you want to be worthy of that mythical female submission you should expect to do nothing less. Read Ephesians 5:25: For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her. Are you willing to do that?
Submit to her role to contribute to you. Let her be your peace. She is your partner in this world, not something to be conquered. Around her, you don’t always have to be “strong”. Let her into your world, your feelings, your hopes and your dreams. Allow her to support you because you cannot do it all yourself.
Submit to her role in making sure you are ok. Some times it is OK to let her be MAMA. You know you don’t go to the doctor like you should and you don’t eat the way you should AND sometimes you aren’t very sure of yourself. Listen when she asks are you ok. Don’t just blow that off. She is seeing something you don’t!

So men, you are passing the rope test? Great: but it is not enough. Not even close!

In my opinion

Women pick us because we may meet the minimum of attractiveness and (yes) are fun to be with and supportive and seem to have some degree of intelligence and integrity. That’s ok for now, but not the end.

When a women truly loves you, she will let you be yourself. You “got in” because she thought you were cute, funny and a little supportive and she may let you stick around for just that reason. The question is this: Are you just satisfied with passing that test of entry?
When a woman submits herself to you, that is a gift and and it is also an extraordinary responsibility. The question is this: Are you up to that? Will you take that seriously or for granted?
When a woman picks us, she loves us for both who we are now AND who we can become. Because she loves you, she may be willing to shrink herself and her life to accommodate your smallness. The question is this: Are you willing to expand yourself to be what she needs or wants in her life?

Being the LEADER or MAN of the house is serious business. It requires EVERYTHING from you. Are you prepared to give that? Or do you just want to be “the boss”.

Because the leader holds not only her accountable, but also himself as well and…lets her hold him to account.

The Boss: He just wants to call the shots and that is not healthy for anyone.

When you think of it, no REAL man wants a woman who will only do his bidding. Not only is that boring, but it is also a small life for everyone!

Oh and just because you gave up on being “the boss” does NOT means you are empowering her, consider that you may have just abdicated part of your role to avoid conflict. Part of leadership is conflict and constructive conflict is growth. (That one just spoke to ME, BTW, I need to grow on my conflict skills)

Sometimes the Queen needs to remind the King who he is, who and what he is fighting for, and that you still believe in him. OUR submission is to get this communication, believe in it and fight for that.

The Queens job (again): Be worthy of it!