The monsters may love our boys more than we do

I was watching a video a couple weeks ago and this brother Charleston White shared that he grew up thinking going to prison was a rite of passage for manhood, well that’s the part of this interview that hit me the hardest.

I have the video queued to the right location so you can get straight to the part I’m talking about (just click it), but the whole interview is compelling.

He uses the N-word a WAY too much for my taste, but in this case, the way he uses it kinda works to describe the mindset.

Let me disqualify myself from jump for being in this conversation:

I grew up with both parents
I grew up in a solid middle class neighborhood that had positive figures all around me
I’ve never been to jail
I didn’t grow up around with people who went to prison (at least they weren’t in a postion to influence me heavily)
My encounters with police officers mainly revolved around speeding tickets and moving violations, in fact, I grew up knowing a lot of police officers (and even police commanders)
I went to private schools
I went to college
I have a Masters degree
I experienced no abuse as a child
I experienced no abandonment as a child

And as a result

I have had a good career
I myself have been married for over 27 years
I am able to provide for my children the same life experience that I had

Or as some might say: I grew up White!

I have listened to this interview at least three times already and cannot find much in his life experience that is the same as mine. I am also almost a foot taller and outweigh him by at least 200 pounds BEFORE dinner.

My life was and is NOTHING like his, so why is this video so compelling to me?

Because I am a black man and I care about young black men and boys and I want this to NOT happen to them and I want them to grow up more like I did than like Brother White did.

Now, at this point some of you may think I insulted him. If you read that last sentence again you will see that is far from the truth. I wish he grew up like I did too, I wish he did not have this story to tell.

You see: His testimonial was compelling to me because, if I am honest, the only difference between me and this brother is: Circumstance

He didn’t grow up with both parents
He didn’t grow up up in a solid middle class neighborhood that had positive figures all around him
He grow up around people who went to prison that had a direct influence on him
His encounters with police were not over dinner at the house, but were on the “business end”
He didn’t grow up going to private schools
He wasn’t groomed to go to college
He experienced abandonment as a child

There is no space to possibly insult this brother because he is ME! The only difference: How we grew up and who we grew up with.

Here is what I am saying: We need this to stop having this be NORMAL, that our boys grow up this way.

This brother explains (at least to me) how young brothers get sucked into being “monsters”.

It brings tears to me as to how easy this is done and I assert it is because the “monsters” are the only ones listening, “loving” and talking to him.

I think the brother also alludes to all this in this interview. It seems to me that, regarding the “monsters”….

He looked forward to being with them in prison, because that is where men went
He looked forward to the hugs and fellowship they had with him
In them he saw his brother, his father and his family
He was willing to defend them and die for them because they were the only ones who loved him and would do the same for him
They were the only ones who saw past what the world saw and appreciated, loved and respected him for what he brought to the table
They were the ones who saw his potential and provided him him the guidance he followed
He listened to them because they were the only ones listening to HIM

Here is the funny thing and this is when I begin to understand a story so unlike mine: I feel the same way about my family the way he feels about these “monsters” because everything the “monsters” provided to him was the same thing my family provided for me.

In short: The “monsters” WERE his family. So why should he love them less than I love my family? Because they were thieves and murderers? I don’ think that’s the way it works! They were his world because at the time, they were the only people (it seems) he felt accepted him totally. And that means everything!

Here is the really sad thing: Those monsters are ME as well. The only difference is between me and them were the context from which WE were raised.

The monsters only teach what they know and they really do it out of love. Just like my family did for me.

Like I said before: He is ME!

The difference: His environment groomed him to be a monster, mine groomed me for something else. Neither of us were BORN the way that we became.

So my questions in closing:

What would it be like?
What would HE be like?
What would the “monsters” be like?

If….

The world gave our young black boys and men a hug and some real love and some real guidance instead of labeling them monsters from birth and leaving them to the jungle.
The world told them they were needed here and whole and they were not replaceable
We just listened to them without judgment
The way I grew up was “normal” for black boys

Here is what there is to get from this post: Our young Black men and boys live inside the listening of their village. Consider that the village is embracing their sisters and leaving far too many of them to the jungle with ONLY a prayer and a hope they escape it.

And when they don’t escape what do we call THEM? Monsters! Or more commonly this!

(No wait: We call them that whether they escape or not, that’s why I said before: He is ME!)

And you wonder why they are so confused, angry, and destructive!

Now you know, and the cycle continues unless we do something about it!

First Step: Lets take another look at them and see if you see the same thing you saw before.