Maybe you need a new life algorithm?

You see, as Black People what we SAY we want from each other sounds good

Some things Black Women might say is that they want a brother who

• Is a leader
• Is compassionate/understanding
• Is emotionally available
• Wants to be a good father
• Is Masculine, but not toxic
• Is Monogamous/Faithful
• Is protective, but not dominating
• Can guide but not controlling

Some things Black Men might say is that they want a sister who

• Is submissive/feminine, but not weak or needy
• Is compassionate/understanding
• Provides a safe space where he can let his guard down
• Trusting, but not stupid
• Wants to be a good mother AND allows him to be a father
• Sexy, but not…well you know 🙂
• Believes in him and his value

But the question is this: What kind of Black Men and Black Women do we pay attention to and talk about?

I won’t do a list, but basically from what I see: The opposite of both lists!

Let’s start something to (hopefully) trigger your brain in the direction I want to take this.

• Here is what women need to understand: Men do not do what women WANT, they do what gets their ATTENTION!
• Here is what men need to understand: Women do not do what men WANT, they do what gets their ATTENTION!

Time to get to the point so I will. This will make sense so stay with me.

Here is a good definition of What is a social media algorithm?

“Algorithms in social media platforms can be defined as technical means of sorting posts based on relevancy instead of publish time, in order to prioritize which content an user sees first according to the likelihood that they will actually engage with such content.”

What this basically means is that the internet shows you what will get your attention, not (necessarily) what you WANT to see or is healthy for you.

I think life works that well. (Oh and in real life, that’s probably why they always put the “candy” near the check-out lane, but…another discussion)

Essentially Black men get widespread ATTENTION (on an offline) when they do one of these things

• Get shot by a cop
• Play ball
• Is abusive or unfaithful (Black Men are the posterboys for this)
• Can flash wads of cash or a rich lifestyle
• Do or say something terrible

Essentially Black Women get widespread ATTENTION when they do one of these things

• Be overly aggressive or rude
• Speak disrespectfully about Black Men
• Show they can get a man who can flash wads of cash or a rich lifestyle

In the age of social media, people are paid by how many likes or clicks they get, these folks are called INFLUENCERS. The internet intentionally puts on your feed stuff you will click on and react to and monetizes the people who can get your attention, not what is best for your physical, emotional or spiritual well-being!

This has spilled over into the real world!

• A black man who disrespects and degrades Black woman gets millions of clicks and views and money (that is also in almost all the music!)
• A black women who trashes Black men and advances the concerns of Black women at the expense of the brothers, gets lots of clicks and views and lots of guest spots on national TV

Full disclosure:

On my journey to heal my people, I was initially dismayed because I was thinking what the Matrix showed me was REAL!

But when I took and started my inquiry about being Black and Male almost two years ago, I saw some things differently.

That is what is shown to us is not OUR reality, it is THEIR reality. Our reality is different!

So what is there to do: Change what you pay attention to! That has WAY more power than you think!

If you decide to pay attention to that which empowers you, then that is what will show up. I suggest you start doing the same thing!

You can do that online AND in real life. YOU can change the algorithm!

• My brothers: If you DON’T want that sister who is all the things undesirable (disrespectful, untrusting and “man-like”) then stop paying attention to the sisters who are like that
• My Sisters: If you DON’T want that brother who is all the things undesirable (toxic, dominating, unfaithful and controlling) then stop paying attention to the brothers who are like that.

My Point: When you stop listening for and paying all your attention to what you DON’T want, then there is a space for what you really want to show up.

These toxic people sabotaging our culture are paid to for you to argue with them. They literally are relevant and get paid because you give them attention:

Just ignore them and engage with healthier people.

Or in other words: Reprogram YOUR algorithm! (You do THAT by filtering out the poison)

Remember the saying: Don’t wrestle with a pig, both of you will get dirty, only the pig likes it.

Same thing applies here: Stop poisoning your soul by reposting and wrestling with pigs!

Unplug from the PigPen!

The pigs out there will either change their behavior and/or see their influence and paychecks reduced!

Either way is cool with me.