What is there to say to this young boy?

When you think of it, kindergarten is the place where we get to face the REAL world, for most of us, for the first time.

We are put in a room with strange people (who are not family), other children (gasp), adults that Mom and Dad say we have to listen to then they just leave us there.

It is the first place where we have to face the world for ourselves and see where we fit in. We navigate the bullies, the teasers, the tattletales and if we are lucky, we find a few people we feel ok being around and maybe some we will be friends with.

So: I think THIS is the time we begin to lose our innocence.

Because this is the first time we start to try, and figure out who we are and where we fit in. It is a lifelong journey, and it begins right there.

This is where the bullying starts
This is where you get teased if you look or talk strange
This is where people you thought were cool with you share your secrets with others, so you learn what betrayal feels like
This is where you see that the teachers, hard as they try, really don’t treat everyone the same
This is where you find out if the “cool kids” accept you
This is where you find out if you are as smart as the other kids
This is where some kids tease you if you are smart
This is where some kids tease you if you are dumb
This is where you may find out that the color of your skin makes a difference in how people treat you and what people expect of you. (And for too many Black Boys, the answer to what is expected of you: Not Much)

Quite a lot to put on a six-year-old, isn’t it?

Yesterday, I found this picture of me as a Kindergartner, and I have been staring at it for some time now. And now I find myself into an inquiry: What was I thinking when this picture was taken?

I don’t REALLY know, but it LOOKS like I am in some kind of inquiry then, and whatever that is, (and despite how cute a kid I was) there is a sadness behind it.

Maybe I had something to say, and I didn’t know how.
Maybe something bad happened to me and I am upset
Maybe I just want someone to pick me up, give me a hug and tell me it is all going to be ok

And now my innocence was lost because I was learning

I am a BOY, so I should Never EVER cry, I will be considered weak, the other kids will tease me and the adults don’t want to hear it
In MY community, it was the girls who were smarter desirable and wanted
Never tell what happened or how I feel about it
Never smile too much, people will think I am strange
The books I was reading made it crystal clear: The prince or the hero never looks like me
To survive the day, it is better to say as little as possible, attention is never good

This is just too much to take on for a six-year-old. I don’t like it here!

At Home, I could laugh, play and be myself
At Home, if I was feeling bad, I had people who cared about me whose lap I could sit on and whose shoulder I could cry on
I could listen to mom and dad’s strange music and not get laughed at
I could watch Star Trek and talk to my mom about it
I could just go to MY room and stay there all day and it was ok

So now I think I know what I am wanting to say in this picture: Can we go home now?

I know because I ask the same questions now. I have the same “wants” now:

I want to be where it is safe for me to just be me
I want to be where I am looked at as a hero or at least feel like someone who is wanted and needed
I want to be where people look forward to seeing me come in
I want to be where I feel like I am needed and valued
I want to be where I am clear that my presence matters
I want to be where I can share what’s on my heart and mind and just have that listened to.
I want to be where when I do disconnect from the world, someone comes to ME and says “Are you ok?”

All of this is where HOME is.

HOME is where I am SOMEONE
HOME is where my REAL name is known and used
HOME is where, it matters what happens to me
HOME is where people care about how I feel
HOME is where I am expected to do well!
HOME is where I get to feel peaceful. And that place of peace is what a man will protect with everything he has!

And now I know what would make that boy feel better!

Tell him YES! Let’s go home!