We still wear the mask. And its killing us!

Been a while since I posted something here. I decided to do it this way because what I got to say here will take longer than one of my TikTok Videos:

A caveat: I do not represent this as “The Truth”. It is something I hope generates discussion!

This is a follow up to my post of two years ago titled Time to let my shield down!

I am still struggling to do that!

The featured image is a poem by Paul Lawrence Dunbar. (Please read this before continuing)

To be in integrity, I got this great image from the Poemhunter Website

I think the content of the poem is a relevant today for men, especially Black Men as it was when Mr. Dunbar wrote it.

We speak a lot of the Strong Black Women thing a lot, what we do not talk about (and we should) is that Black Men have the exact same thing going on with us. What is deadly is that we do not talk about this part of our culture.

OUR need to be strong is absolutely KILLING us!

Let me dissect the poem a bit

Part One!

We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,-
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,

There is a saying when all brothers say when asked if we are ok. It is some version of “I’m Good”.

• Your girlfriend/wife/partner left you for someone else: I’m good
• You got cheated on: I’m good
• Someone in your family is sick or dying: I’m good
• Lost your job or livelihood: I’m good
• You are estranged from your children: I’m good
• You yourself are not well physically: I’m good

Do ALL men do this? Absolutely. However for us it seems like this is our only response to being hurt, or having our dreams crushed.

The debt we pay to human guile?

A lot of the times. we are the ones who can be bashed, beat up, lied on or mis-characterized so that everyone else can feel better about themselves and feel empowered:

• Some people are empowered because they share how they saved others from us (the criminals)
• Some people are empowered because they share and tell stories of how they overcame hardships we put on them

So we can be the dragon that the dragon slayers can stick their swords in and we smile to celebrate their achievements and their freedoms even when we do not feel accomplished, accepted or free ourselves.

And DAMN: This sword hurts! (Nope, can’t say that either)

Part 2

Why should the world be overwise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

We smile through pain because that is what we are expected to do. I think that may be why black men are so attracted to athletics. It is a perfect expression for who we are and are trained to be.

• Ankle hurt: I’m good
• Tired or not feeling well: I’m good
• I tore something in my shoulder: I’m good
• I broke my hand: Tape it up and I’ll be good

You see, we need to play through our pain because if we are hurt and unable to play we are clear about one thing: We will be branded as weak, they will find someone else to take our spot and the game is over for us.

So it seems that the only way for us to be is: I’m good

Because if we aren’t “good”, we will be thrown away! Sometimes we can be replaced if we are good and besides, we can be replaced, new guy will be better and we need to accept that and not be in our feelings about it!

Part 3

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,

Old school black men will tell young black men this truth: No one gives a f–k how you feel! Some might say that they don’t care if you live or die!

I think Tupac also had a song that expressed that view. Check the lyrics!

Some questions I am struggling with here is this:

• When we do express our pain, why is is always invalidated?
• We we share how we feel, why is it always made wrong?
• When we share our tears, why are we considered weak?
• When we share what we are dealing with why do we need to listen to what YOU are dealing with (without ever discussing what we are facing)?

Even though a scary number of us feel like ending it all, there is no cause for alarm and no one talks about it.

So rather than face being considered weak, or wrong or being an a$$hole, the safest thing for us to do is smile and tell the world we are so happy with yawl are doing without us and let the world dream otherwise.

I sometimes feel the story I would tell my younger self is a lie:

In this life:

• You will be alone
• You are not necessary
• You can be replaced
• It is not ok to be angry or sad
• You better not EVER say you are afraid
• Yes, they ARE afraid of you
• Don’t EVERY say how you feel!
• Don’t tell people you love them, that’s weak

The best and safest thing for you to do is to smile and say “I’m Good” because very few will cry for you.

But I still say that am one of the few who will cry for that little black boy inside every black man who just hopes one day he will be allowed entry into humanity!

Will YOU cry for and with the little boy?

My GOD: I hope so!